I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
