You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The adults are the big ones right?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
