OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
