Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
