u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me + whiskey = a bad person
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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