Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
