I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize