Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
