enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
