He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
