when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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