It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
