At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
