I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
