So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
