Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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