So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
