some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
