Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
