so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
