Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
