She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
