i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
