Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
