Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
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Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Dear god my vagina.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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