just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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