I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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