Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
