I'm sorry my penis didn't work
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
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Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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