On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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