Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
