Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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