He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize