I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
