I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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