He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize