The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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