my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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