thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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