There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
