How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize