you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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