Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We have started to decorate penises.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Randomize
