My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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