I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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