just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
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Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize