Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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