I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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