That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
