She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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