i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
