how can u be prego again
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
