They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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