I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Can I color on your dick again?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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