On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
