She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize