and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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