I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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