first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
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I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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