margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
