Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
