home. puking in laundry basket.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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