Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
