this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
