trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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