she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
