She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
