There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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