I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
