dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
