party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
