her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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