nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
