So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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